“Be nice!”

“Just be grateful for what you have!”

How many times have we lectured our kids about big concepts like kindness and gratitude, frustrated (and let’s be real, sometimes embarrassed) that they just don’t seem to get it! Leading to all the parenting shame… i.e. “am I raising a selfish child?!” 

But the truth is, these big social and emotional concepts can be challenging for grown-ups to fully grasp... so why do we assume kids innately understand what we mean when we ask them to “just be kind!”?

It’s time to break down these big life skills into actionable tips to help inspire and empower your little one to start practicing what you’re preaching! 

1. Get specific  

The first step is to make sure your child knows what it really means to practice those big social and emotional skills. 

Kindness, for example, is specifically the practice of thinking about the needs of others and acting on them. Bringing the concept of kindness from a big, inherent trait that you either are or you’re not, to a specific, actionable practice will help kids to focus on building this muscle. 

2. Help them visualize 

Okay, so your child now has a sense of what it truly means to be kind. But how do we help our kids use their kindness muscle when they need it most? 

Research shows that when we link a concept to something concrete that a child can visualize, it helps them with learning and retention. 

For kindness, I like to talk to my daughter about a calm lake. Kindness is like being a raindrop that moves towards the lake, landing on it’s still water and sending a positive ripple effect out into the world. 

By giving your child something visual to grasp onto, they will be more likely to think of and practice the desired behavior when they need it most. 

3. Set an intention

Okay, so they know what kindness means and have a strong visual image they can call-to-mind when needed. What next? 

Positive intention setting is a great way to help children connect on a meaningful level with positive social and emotional traits.  

Intention setting is just fancy for identifying a specific goal. It’s best to start with “I am…” to build your child’s personal connection with the goal. So, for example, “I am helpful” as a way to build a strong inner voice around kindness.  

4. Practice makes Perfect 

While we’d all love for our kids to always be kind, brave, creative… sometimes it’s best to help your child focus on and practice one skill at a time.

Is your child starting a new activity for the first time? 

Perfect time to re-ground them in what bravery means (hint: it’s not that you don’t experience fear) and arm them with the visualization and intention setting they need to practice moving through their fear. 

Are they going through a lot of big changes that feel overwhelming?

A great time to focus on what mindfulness means and help build their ability to tune out the noise and focus in the present moment. 

At the end of the day, build a routine of talking with your child about what they have going on next day, or how they are feeling. At first you’ll likely have to lead the conversation, but the more you do, the more you’ll empower your child with the skills and inner dialogue to identify their own social and emotional needs- building confidence and emotionally self-aware kids!

5. Model (as you upskill yourself!)

This is a big one. Whether we like it or not, our kids absorb so much from how they see the grown-ups in their lives act on a daily basis. 

But we’re human, too, and sometimes we can use a refresher on those big social and emotional skills, too! 

As you embark on a journey to educate and inspire your little one on life’s most important social and emotional skills, take it as an opportunity to level up yourself!

Choose an inner power to focus on with your child each day, intentionally practicing it throughout the day and connecting with your child on what you saw and learned at the end of your day.